The Lost Art of Social Etiquette
In today’s world of technology, social media, and reality television there are many traditional standards going down the drain. So many people are being shown it pays to behave poorly. As these habits may get people noticed, it is usually for the wrong reasons. Knowing social etiquette will always be a standard for developing worldly character and will surely open far more doors.
What exactly is social etiquette? A popular story regarding the origin of “formal etiquette” is from France. In the eighteenth century, King Louis XIV would invite other Royals and Nobles to his palace for parties and festivals. His main court gardener at Versailles was angered as he was faced with a serious problem. He could not stop members of the nobility from trampling about in the delicate areas of the King’s garden. He finally attempted to keep them off these areas by posting signs in French called “etiquette” which warned them to “Keep off the grass, don’t walk on the flowers”. Unfortunately, the court visitors paid no attention to the signs. The gardener made a passionate complaint to the King, and the King issued a special manifesto commanding everyone at court to “Keep within the etiquettes.” Later, the term “etiquette” became a standard for court functions which included rules regarding where to stand, what to do as well as all forms of behavior, and appearance in court circles. As time went on, the word “etiquette” evolved. It has come to mean all the little signs that help us know what to do in different situations. Etiquette or manners guides us through all of our activities. It gives us the confidence to present ourselves with assurance and authority in all situations of our professional and personal life.
Now in the twenty-first century, we have many more categories of social etiquette than in the era of Louis XIV. We can now add email, text, various social media websites and video chat just to name a few. It still stands that no matter what type of interaction you are engaging in with others, the basics are always the safest way to go. The most important golden rule is to treat others as well as you would like to be treated. A quote from Thomas Sowell reads “Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back”. There are so many faux pas when it comes to following the rules in different situations. I would like to breakdown a short list of complaints regarding social etiquette that I have experienced lately.
Dining
Dining out at a new restaurant? No problem. If you’re not sure about the formality of the restaurant, there are a few simple ways to find out. Find the restaurant online. Most places have a website. On the website, pictures of the restaurant and the dining room can give you some information. Call ahead of time and speak with the host/hostess. Explain to them this would be your first time dining with them and you would like to know the typical dress attire and dining experience.
No cell phones during dinner. Let’s face it! You can dine alone but you chose to have company. Slow down and enjoy the company, not the latest social post or text. If you are expecting an important call, be mindful to let your host or other diners know you are waiting for a very important call. If the call arrives during the meal, politely excuse yourself from the table. Upon your return be sure to thank everyone for their patience. Use your inside voices. The couple sitting at the table next to you should not hear your entire conversation. Take the time to learn and remember your server’s name. Trust me, this little effort on your part goes a long way in getting great service. Be sure when talking to your server that you speak to them in a courteous manner. If you are dining at a 4 to 5 star restaurant and you are not familiar with the place setting or the tableware, do not be embarrassed to ask your server about the setting. It is a requirement for them to know which utensil goes with which meal. Keep in mind you may not be the only one in your party who does not know. Also, be sure to leave a good tip for the server. If during your meal you were not satisfied with your service, do not wait until the check comes to point out your lack of satisfaction. Discreetly mention your likes and dislikes to the server during the meal. If you do not notice a change, ask to speak with the manager. Again, discretion is the key to getting the problem resolved and still enjoying your dining experience.
R.S.V.P.
This is not just a fancy way of sending out invitations. As a hostess, nothing is worse than expecting only ten guests, then having fifteen people show up expecting food. If you have received an invitation asking for an R.S.V.P. with a “respond by date”, please respond within a reasonable time frame. A yes, no, or maybe would be appreciated. Anything is better than giving no response at all. If you did not respond, do not show up. Also, never bring a guest without clearing it with the host. A head count allows the host to set a budget for food, drinks and seating arrangements.
Time
We all are extremely business with our daily lives. When you have an appointment, be on time. Running late for a meeting or an event should be an occasional characteristic. If people expect you to arrive late because it is how you always arrive, than you are not respecting their time or yours. When you realize you are going to be more than ten to fifteen minutes late, you should contact the other person to see how this affects their schedule. Do not assume it is fine. Late arrivals for some dinner parties can cause havoc. Be sure to notify the host/hostess of your potential late arrival.
As difficult as it is to communicate in person, there needs to be an extra effort for social etiquette when communicating via email. Do not send out emails with all capital letters. The receiver feels as if you are yelling. Take the time to read and reread before pushing “send”. Many mistakes have been made because we fail to proofread our own words. Do not rely on our old friend, Miss Spellcheck.
Showing kindness, courtesy and respect for the next person should be a daily ritual for us all. Social etiquette does not end with following a few rules in certain situations. It is a lifelong way of living. It is a defining characteristic of who you are at all times. Following the basic guidelines of social etiquette is only the beginning to having successful relationships in our personal and business worlds. Will every person appreciate it? Probably not, but do not let that deter you from being your best and treating others with respect…even if it is not given in return.
Pam Moultrie
